Tonight, Spirit became real to me.
Where to begin? How about my mindset towards Spirit up to this point...
As I had mentioned before, my point of view towards the capabilities of Spirit were drastically changed after watching the Stuart Alexander speech. The fact that a person who sat for 3 years with nothing happening and a total beginner when it came to intuitive development was one night, impressed upon very intensely by spirit to deliver a message to the group that all their hard work basically paid off was view changing for me. It was then that I realized that we have no real part in what happens with Spirit development except for our willingness to be open to experience and to develop with their help. It's that level of complete openness that is essential to experience the level of proof Spirit can provide to those of us who doubt. "I allow, I allow, I allow" has been my mantra in all my sittings with Spirit. Surprisingly, I haven't really had much happen in the way of amazing phenomenon since Spirit moved my body that one time. Since then, I have also been doing a bunch of research on direct voice physical phenomenon (as this is THE most fascinating of all physical phenomenon, next to full materialization), particularly Leslie Flint. He's basically my hero. This man didn't take fees and did his work as a service to the public. He allowed himself to be tested (the most tested psychic in fact, and was never found fraudulent) and was humble, sincere, and cared about the spiritual aspects of his mediumship. I've listened to some of his talks and he was basically magic. That's what I wanted. I wanted to be completely legit. I wanted Spirit to genuinely show itself. If it were real, it would eventually show if I remained patient. I just had to be open, not have any desire of the outcome, and let Spirit show up. For my part, I could only be open and give permission. Tonight, Spirit gave me evidence of its reality and ability.
My friend Amanda and I sat in a smaller room at the metaphysical bookstore we both work at after hours in the pitch black dark. She was going to channel for me and I was just going to listen. For whatever reason, I thought to myself that I would set the space with crystals, incense, and do my usual ritual when it came to sitting. I set the space, grounded us, opened ourselves up, did the usual opening prayer that I do, and then blew out the candle, the only light source in the room to show that we would begin. Once it was blown out, complete and total darkness surrounded us. It was the darkest room I've ever sat in. In the darkness we breathed and waited for her channeling to begin. She began to channel and delivered a lovely message about her relationship with her unseen friend. Once she was done, we just sat in the dark and I asked us to just breathe and allow and let whatever happens, happen. We ended up sitting there for what ended up being an hour and a half. During this time, I began to go into a deep level of trance, as this was my intention. I wanted to see just how deep of trance I could get into given the safe space we created and the deep darkness. After what was likely 45 minutes of me breathing, relaxing, doing different trance induction techniques, I eventually found myself slipping in and out of consciousness. It kind of freaked me out a little but I knew that this was necessary practice if I was ever going to get out of the way enough for Spirit to use me the way I wanted. After a while, I felt myself go into a totally different mind space. I started to become aware of two beings discussing me. I heard them very clearly in my mind and wondered if this was just me making it up... but I just went with it. They had English accents and in my mind's eye, it looked almost as though they were in a laboratory of some kind (though I don't think literally). They were talking to me and one another asking if they could be heard and if they were coming in clear. I said yes. I could feel several physical sensations associated with this including tingling on the top of my head, around my neck and shoulders as well as a heavy pressure on the back of my neck. I could tell that they were trying to come through. However, I told them that IN NO WAY was I going to make anything happen just because I wanted it to. I could feel them wanting to come through and make the connection but I just felt like I was too present to not feel like it was me making it happen. So I told them that I give them permission to come in stronger and as strong as they need. In fact, I basically demanded that they come in stronger if they were going to try to get through to me. I literally said to "come through like you did for Stuart Alexander. I don't want to be in control of it." When I said that I felt a click on the top of my head and tingling down my body. They really were listening and trying. However, as time went on, I didn't think they were going to be able to make it through. I was able to have moments where I could feel them getting closer and closer to coming through but I stubbornly reiterated to them that I would not physically make these things happen. I felt like they had a good connection to my throat area but my face still felt completely in my control. Too much in my control to allow any sounds to exit my face. So after beginning to feel a bit impatient mixed with going in and out of a coherent state, I just told them if they were going to get through, they needed to move into my face and move it themselves. After about five minutes (just when I was about to give up), I felt myself in a very very deep trance. I then felt a click at the top of forehead and face and energy begin to flow. My teeth began to ever so gently chatter together, slowly and softly at first, then faster and harder, AND FASTER AND HARDER until my entire jaw, -COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL OR INTENT-, began to open and close all on it's own. It's at this point that I felt the most separate from consciousness. As far away from consciousness that you could be without blacking out. I then felt and heard a gurgling and almost choking sound coming from me while the chattering just got more and more intense. Finally some grunt moan sounds began to come out followed by a voice that felt almost in front of my face (though it was coming from my vocal chords). At first what was said was unintelligible but finally cleared up to say, "WE'VE DONE IT! WE'VE DONE IT! WE'VE DONE IT!" It was repeated about four or five times and then stopped. Amanda asked, "are you still here?" and with that, I realized exactly what had just occurred! I shook myself out of the trance and came back as much as I could and stopped everything. Amanda was confused (and a bit unnerved) and asked to turn the lights on. So we did and I was just in awe and shock. I was trembling though I'm not sure if that was from fear, energy, or adrenaline or what. It took a few moments before I was fully back and I was in shock and amazement. I described all of what I was feeling and going through to Amanda. I think it made her feel a little bit better but she was just so confused. I mean imagine sitting a completely black room and all of a sudden hearing choking and sounds coming from your friend and then a voice that wasn't your friend's voice coming through saying "we've done it!" I mean that's gotta be kinda scary. Later, Amanda told me that she was moments away from saying that she was ready to be done but then everything began happening. She also said that she had told Spirit that she hopes I get whatever I needed out of the experience and that she wouldn't freak out if she started hearing knocks and raps on the walls or door. I believe that Amanda gave Spirit permission for me to have that experience. I don't think Spirit wants to scare people or make them uncomfortable so I'm grateful to Amanda for holding that space for me. We talked about it afterwards and she just kept saying that wasn't you. I asked her to remind me that this was really something else and how amazing that experience was because my mind (or ego as she put it) was already trying to discredit that amazing experience.
So with that, I believe I had my first experience of TRUE trance mediumship. I believe that what made it possible was Amanda and I's synergy and love, my openness to Spirit's power and ability, not making something happen myself and letting Spirit show up (or not) and to give them the permission/ opportunity to make it real by getting as far out of the way as possible.
Tonight was pure magic. My hope: That this is the beginning to a whole new world of experience with Spirit.
I'll keep you posted!
-Michael
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